My Kick Chronic Illness Mom Guilt to the Curb “3 by 3” Roadmap
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There’s your typical run of the mill mom guilt. That’s pretty grueling and consuming all by itself.
But then, we moms with Crohn’s and colitis, we get to add in a little cherry on top of that mom guilt, just a little extra guilt in the form of chronic illness mom guilt.
How is that type of mom guilt different, and why does it keep our IBD in a state of subpar health, and most importantly, how can we finally kick chronic illness mom guilt to the curb so we can having a healthier relationship with our kids, our partners and ourselves—and crush our IBD at the same time?
That’s what we’re talking about today.
We’re talking about:
- The mental muscle anyone can build to help with your chronic illness mom guilt
- The power of becoming a B- mom
- How the thought stopping technique can get you over the comparison game
- The failure I was for not stimulating my kid’s brains in the right manner
And so much more!
After this episode, be ready to topple the 3 pillars of chronic illness mom guilt that are standing in the way of your IBD remission.
Episode at a Glance:
- [12:45] The comparison game we play as adults starts in our childhood
- [14:40] The failure I was for not stimulating my kid’s brains in the right manner
- [18:20] When was the last time you chose YOU over everything?
- [19:55] The YOU plan is the simplest problem, but hardest to fix
- [20:21] The mental muscle anyone can build to help with your chronic illness mom guilt
- [25:43] What to do about friends who make you feel insecure and unsupported
- [28:22] How the thought stopping technique can get you over the comparison game
- [33:33] The problem with making Wonder Woman your hero
- [35:05] The power of becoming a B- mom
- [37:40] 4 mantras to help with chronic illness mom guilt
- [41:30] The small sized, medium sized, and large sized YOU plans that will help your mental and your gut health
- [48:59] Where joy, peace, and escapism fits in your chronic illness mom guilt plan
- [51:49] The best way to take your IBD healing journey to the next level.
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Mentioned in This Episode
Episode Transcript:
There’s you’re typical run of the mill mom guilt. That’s pretty grueling and consuming all by itself. But then, we moms with Crohn’s and colitis, we get to add in a little cherry on top of that mom guilt, just a little extra guilt in the form of chronic illness mom guilt. How is that type of mom guilt different, and why does it keep our IBD in a state of subpar health, and most importantly, how can we finally kick chronic illness mom guilt to the curb so we can having a healthier relationship with our kids, our partners and ourselves—and crush our IBD at the same time? That’s what we’re talking about today.
[Music]INTRO: You are listening to The Cheeky Podcast for Moms with IBD, a safe space for moms with Crohn’s and colitis, connect, explore powerful tools for healing and transform our lives to thrive in motherhood and in life. I’m your host, Karyn Haley, IBD health coach, integrative wellness enthusiast, and mom to three outstanding kids. After having Crohn’s disease for 30 years and working as a health advocate exclusively with IBD clients for the last 10 years, I know it’s time to bring the types of candid conversations I have with my clients out into the open. It’s our time to go on an IBD healing journey and do it like only a mom can. Let’s do this.
[music]Hey there awesome mama! So happy to be here with you. We’re diving deep today. Are you ready? Let’s take a deep cleansing breath before we go for it. (deep breath in and out) It’s always good to center and ground when you’re going inward.
Hands down, the best part of being an IBD Health Coach and having a degree in Counseling with a Specialization in Medical Family Therapy means that I get to help my clients dive into what’s standing in the way of their IBD freedom from lots of different angles. We get to take a whole life approach, not just nutrition and supplements, not just lifestyle, or just mindset, but all of these healing modalities together. Because it’s never just one thing that contributes to your state of dis-ease. It’s all of these challenges together that create the path for the tornado, and all of these modalities combined that can bring health back into your life.
And when I talk to clients about different eating plans and supplements that can help them find remission, they always think that is going to be the hardest part. What the heck is dry curd cottage cheese and where do I buy finely ground blanched almond flour and what’s the best probiotic to take? This stuff is actually easier than you think. When you finally get resources at your fingertips, everything falls into place. I’ll let you in on a little secret, it’s not the eating for IBD that stops most people from moving forward. It takes time and patience, you with the right tools, you will get there. The hardest part, the part that can keep you stuck in quicksand for way too long is diving into the mindset piece that impacts your Crohn’s and your colitis.
THE CROCODILE IS WAITING TO STRIKE.
Because you can do everything else, but if your mind hasn’t found a way through all the anger, denial, shame, guilt, embarrassment, stress, anxiety, and depression… not just from your chronic illness, but also from all the other stuff we tend to carry around with us unconsciously in our mind. It’s in the background, just lingering beneath the surface, waiting like a crocodile who hides in the water for it’s victim, waiting to come out and strike when we least expect it.
These are the mindset barriers that will keep your IBD in a state of passably OK, instead of I’m feeling fantastic.
And I want you to feel fantastic.
I want your Crohn’s or colitis to be something you only look at in the rearview mirror. Something you only take out for party anecdotes—hey, remember that IBD told you about? It hasn’t bothered me in months!
Yas!!! That’s where I want you to be.
THE MINDSET PROBLEM THAT’S KEEPING YOUR IBD FROM FULL REMISSION.
[05:33] So today, we’re going to focus on one of those mindset barriers. And we’ll focus on the one that affects us mamas the most. It’s mom guilt. And not just any mom guilt, but double whammy mom guilt we get to be blessed with because with us, it’s not just about the normal mom guilt. We’re over achievers. We’re mom guilt on steroids (literally sometimes)—we’re mom guilt with a side of chronic illness. Think of it like the cherry on top. Only it’s a really nasty cherry, one that tastes awful.
And something I’ve learned in my almost 35 years with IBD (wow, has it been that long), is that chronic illness mom guilt will feaster, it will eat at you, it will linger even when you’re doing everything right to help you feel better. And if you’ve experienced this chronic illness mom guilt before, you know exactly what I’m talking about…
You’re left alone on the couch or in your bed, doubled over in belly pain, or my personal choice, with the heating pad, while your partner takes the kids to the big game (or the dance recital, or the playground, or the amusement park… you fill in the blank there). And while their packing up and leaving, you think to yourself, “Could I just suck it up and go too?” As you try to get up you realize, nope not gonna happen and the chronic illness mom guilt sets in.
Or maybe you’re on a special diet to help your IBD symptoms—gluten free, Paleo, SCD—it doesn’t matter which one. You’re making your own food, you’re spending loads of time in the kitchen each day, but you can’t feed you’re kids that food, even though it’s perfectly healthy for them too because you don’t want to restrict them. So you shlep together a whole different dinner for them as well, feeling so exhausted after all that, that you don’t even feel like eating your own food. And chronic illness mom guilt sets in.
Or how about when you have littles—3,4, 5, 6 years old. And you’re out at Target. Uh-oh, you’ve got to go… NOW. There’s no holding it. There’s no stopping it. You’ve got to get to the bathroom now. There’s no alternate options for your little ones, they’re in the stall with you. You may need to sit for a while, it might get smelly in there. Chronic illness mom guilt starts creeping in… how long is this going to take? The kids are getting restless. I better just give them my phone to play with and I’ll definitely need to get them a treat for their patience. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.
What scenarios make you feel guilty when it comes to chronic illness mom guilt? Is it a scenario like one of these or maybe something else?
Well, first I just have to say, and I know you already know this, but we can’t hear it enough. We all have mom guilt. It comes with the job. Did you read the job description?
YOU’RE A MOM, YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS.
Oh, yeah, there’s a job description.
I will get on board with passing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a ping pong ball.
I will change 7,000 diapers in my baby’s lifetime (that’s the average, crazy right). Got another kid? Double that!
I will embrace mom guilt and all the crappy feelings that come with it, and it will wreak havoc on my IBD.
Yep, we sign on for it alright. And it’s slowly and surely killing us and it’s time to kick it to the curb.
For your own sanity.
For your Crohn’s or colitis remission. Can I get an Amen?
For your intimate life with your partner (hubba hubba, cause it’s just not sexy when you bring mom guilt in the bedroom)
For the love of God, it’s time mama.
Once and for all, let’s pledge together that we’re going to kick chronic illness mom guilt to the curb today. And I’ve got the best plan of action to help you do just that. It’s called My Kick Chronic Illness Mom Guilt to the Curb “3 by 3” Roadmap.
I created this plan, after years and years of letting chronic illness mom guilt get in the way of my IBD recovery and I’m sharing it with you so you can kick mom guilt to the curb as well. Because I used to be you. All those examples I just gave you—all those chronic illness mom guilt examples— the mom on the couch missing the fun family activities, the mom making herself crazy making separate meals for everyone in the family, the mom resorting to bathroom phone games for toddlers and bribe gifts—guilty, those examples are all me. And all of that mom guilt wreaked havoc on my IBD. And that’s just a small sampling, but at some point I realized I had to ditch the ever-present chronic illness mom guilt to save myself and ultimately save my relationship with my family. I’m not perfect by any means and I don’t try to be, but I’ve got it under control at least. That’s what I want for you too.
[11:34] So, I call it My Kick Chronic Illness Mom Guilt to the Curb “3 by 3” Roadmap because the roadmap has 3 pillars and each of the pillars has 3 steps. 3 by 3.
Let’s talk about each of the Pillars of Chronic Illness Mom Guilt that are keeping your IBD way to present in your life and then I’ll share with you the 3 steps in each pillar and tell you what we can do to solve this mom guilt problem to topple each pillar for good.
Pillar #1 that creates chronic illness mom guilt is Comparison.
Girl you know it’s true.
THE COMPARISON GAME
When it comes to motherhood, we are comparison queens. And it all starts in childhood.
We’re conditioned that mom is the caregiver, the nurturer, the one who makes the bad dreams, the monsters and boo boo’s go away. TV, parenting magazines, social media, even our own childhood experience shapes these “the mom we should be” intrusive thoughts.
And it’s OK to have those thoughts. I love being the nurturer, and the cuddle mom. It’s not just a badge of honor, it brings me joy. But the problem is, everyone around us makes all these tasks look effortless.
Society tells us that we better be the mom who gives birth naturally, breastfeeds our babies, gives them kale chips instead of candy, uses cloth diapers, potty trains them before their 2, and stimulates their mind at all times.
I once had a fellow mom tell me that I should get rid of the video screen in my minivan (this was in the early 2000’s when kids didn’t have personal devices)—she told me that it was my job to stimulate my kid’s brains while we drove in the car.
What a failure I was. I wasn’t stimulating my kid’s brains. And for a second, I thought huh, does she have a point? We only use it for road trips, but maybe that’s too much.
The comparison game is ruining not just our psyche. It’s crushing all the efforts we’re making to try to get this illness into remission.
Chronic illness mom guilt through comparison. It’s time to crush that pillar.
I mentioned that there are 3 pillars, so let me tell you about the second one.
Pillar #2 that creates chronic illness mom guilt is Perfectionism or what I like to call…
WONDER WOMAN SYNDROME
There ain’t no perfectionist like a mom with a chronic illness and us mamas with IBD are at the top of that list. This chronic illness mom guilt masterpiece comes from one thing—expectations. Expectations about what our mom world should look like, expectations about what we should look like, how our kids should look, talk, be, do… Whether we’re able to admit it to ourselves, we all have expectations surrounding our mom life.
And expectations aren’t always a bad thing, but when we set the bar too high, we’re left to fall a long way down.
We feel like crap when we’re in an IBD flare, but we struggle to clean the house up when someone is coming over.
We aren’t’ up to eating anything, but we make a 3-course meal for our family.
Our spouse or friend offers to help, but we don’t accept it. Nope, we’ve got it all covered. We will somehow become wonder woman and make it miraculously come together in the end.
Guess where we hold all that perfectionistic energy? You guessed it, in our belly. We push our way through chronic illness mom guilt until our breaking point. It’s a vicious cycle.
Chronic illness mom guilt through perfectionism. It’s time to crush that pillar.
[17:25] So far, we’ve talked about two chronic illness mom guilt pillars that we’ve been holding up for far too long—comparison and perfectionism. And Pillar #3 that creates chronic illness mom guilt is the Priority Paradox.
THE PRIORITY PARADOX
If I asked you what you prioritize in life I bet you’d say your kids, your spouse, your aging parents, your job, your friends, your commitments… and all of that would come before you say, I prioritize my own health needs. But Karyn, I do prioritize my health. I have to. But when was the last time you really choose YOU over everything. You over everything.
Just thinking about that gives you mom guilt, doesn’t it?
What kind of mother would I be if I choose myself over my kids? The kind of mom who then has the energy and health so she can then devote time to her kids.
Knowing what to prioritize and when to prioritize it is especially hard for us IBDer’s. Our tendency is to put everything else in front of our own needs, but it’s tough…
Because we need more sleep than other moms.
Because we spend more time in the bathroom than other moms.
Because we need time to re-energize more than other moms.
And when we don’t really have a choice about putting everything, we think should be a priority (all those things I just mentioned) first, guess what happens?
Loads and loads of chronic illness mom guilt—plain and simple.
Why don’t I have my priorities in order? Why can’t I be like other moms who can put their kids first? Definitely some comparison rearing it’s ugly head in there.
THE YOU PLAN YOU NEED.
The sooner you make a YOU plan, the better mom you’ll be. Of all the pillars we need to topple, this is really the simplest problem, with the hardest solution. It’s against our nature to commit to something that supports our health and healing, especially if it means something in our mom life has to give.
If you find yourself struggling in this area, finding your YOU plan that just shifts your priorities ever so slightly is making you a little crazy because you feel like why can’t I just learn to put me first sometimes, I want you to know that creating a YOU plan isn’t a learned skill at all. It’s more like a muscle that needs to be used again and again to gain strength and momentum. So don’t beat yourself up and feel like you just can’t figure this out. This problem isn’t one you figure out. It’s one you just do over and over until it becomes a sacred part of you.
We all know what it’s like to start an exercise regime. Let’s be honest, on day one it kind of sucks. We can’t go as long as we want to, our exercise isn’t as intense as we’d like. By the time day 1 is over, we feel sore, achy, maybe a little defeated.
But then, little by little, the more we exercise, the more we make a deliberate commitment, the easier it gets. Our routine starts to take shape, we begin to see the results, and we might even start craving the feeling exercise gives us. Training your muscles physically—it’s the same process as training yourself into a YOU plan. You can’t expect to go from weak to strong in one day. As you’ll see when we talk about your 3-step plan to crumble the priority paradox pillar, it’s about giving yourself time and grace to build up your YOU muscle. Growing pains will happen, but as long as you don’t give up, you will see results.
So, we’ve got the problem down mama. We know the three key components that are keeping us stuck in chronic illness mom guilt. The pillars of comparison, perfectionism, and the priority paradox. We’ve held up these negative pillars with craft glue, a little glitter for show, and shear mama bear fortitude for so long. It’s like we’ve been single handedly holding up the leaning tower of pisa. It’s time to take our hand away from holding up these negative emotions and watch them crumble into dust. So, how do we do that?
YOUR 3 MUST DO STEPS TO REDUCE THE COMPARISON GAME.
There’s 3 must do steps for each of the pillars we’ve talked about today. Remember, it’s a 3 by 3 plan. My Kick Chronic Illness Mom Guilt to the Curb “3 by 3” Roadmap is a 3 by 3 plan. Three pillars, three steps for each one to watch them crumble before our eyes. Let’s topple pillar #1: The Comparison pillar.
Step 1: It’s time to complete a friend audit to possibly cull the heard. Are you hanging out with a mom that make you feel inadequate, less than, unsupported? Do you feel like you always have to put on extra lip gloss or dress your best to keep up with that friend? Is she always giving you advice on what you’re doing wrong with your kids? Can you picture this friend? If so, it’s time for a little distance.
We all know ladies like this. And a lot of the time, it’s really more about us than them. Technically, THEY are not making us feel less than. We are the ones with the internal thoughts that push our feelings in this negative direction. But if you’re experiencing this in a relationship, it can definitely be worth taking a step back to evaluate what’s making you play the comparison game with this particular friend.
And the pull back from friends like this doesn’t have to be all at once and it doesn’t have to be today, but start thinking about the friends that lift you up and the friends that don’t. Make a deliberate plan to start spending more time with friends who light you up every time you hang out with them.
Stop the comparison game Step #2: Take a social media respite. I know you’ve been told to do this before, but did you do? Or did you say, I’m taking a week off and then a couple days later, take a quick peak (fingers over the eyes- I’m not looking kind of peak), and then well, I just have to see what so-and-so is up to, and then you’re back in. You’re hooked.
Summer is the perfect time for some technology free downtime while the kids are out of school, and let’s put social media at the top of that technology free list. Instagram and Facebook do have their good points, but so much of our scrolling centers around envy for what fun someone looks like their having or negative self talk when we see someone who appears to have their whole life together. Even though we know rationally that this is just a slice of someone’s life, we get caught up in comparing our lives to theirs. Sometimes this comparison is so instantaneous that is almost unconscious.
Taking a short break from all things social media can really clear your mind and just give you the perfect refresh for your brain health, which as you know if you listened to Episode 6 (way back in the early days of the podcast) is deeply connected to our gut and IBD health.
So step #2 in crumbling the comparison pillar is take a social media hiatus.
Step #3, the last step in defeating the comparison pillar involves making your comparisons healthier by replacing the feelings comparing yourself to others gives you like jealousy, fear, judgment, FOMO (fear of missing out), and negative self talk, with more positive emotional states like empathy and curiosity.
THE POWER OF THOUGHT STOPPING.
[28:24] We do this with a technique called thought stopping. Every time you recognize you’re having one of those negative emotions I just mentioned—like the jealousy and the FOMO, you say to yourself “STOP” (or outloud—of course if you’re in public you might get some strange looks), but “STOP” is your key phrase.
STOP is your cue to replace the negative thought with a more positive and healthy one.
Here’s an example of how this can work in your life:
Let’s take that mom friend we all have who always has the perfect homemade cookies at the bake sale, wears designer clothes while holding her 6-month-old, has no baby spit up on those clothes, has perfectly behaved children—you know that mom.
Instead of thinking, wow, Kim just has it all together. Why can’t I be more like Kim. As soon as that thought creeps into our consciousness, we’re going to say “STOP” and replace that thought with curiosity instead, “I wonder what’s behind all this seemingly perfect outward appearance. I bet on the inside, she’s actually more like me. I bet she doesn’t feel as perfect as I’m making her out to be. Maybe she even has a perfectionistic streak in her, just like me.” That might lead you to go up to her and say, “Isn’t it so hard at these bake sales. Everyone feels like they are being judged for what they bring in. I wasn’t feeling well last night so I decided store bought was good enough.” She might say,” hey me too. Mine are store bought too or my mom helped me with these because I was exhausted last night too.”
Now you’ve got a connection, a conversation, and you’re seeing just how similar you actually are. No need to compare her outsides to your insides.
Let me give you one more example of thought stopping so you can really see what this might look like for you. This one has to do with turning our FOMO into JOMO (joy of missing out). This is an example that just happened to my client, Denise. Denise was feeling bad because she didn’t feel up to going to book club. She had such a busy day and by nighttime, her chronic illness fatigue (we all get that) had set in. FOMO was hitting Denise hard.
But as soon as that feeling came over her, she decided to replace it with “STOP.” And then she thought, what feeling can I replace this feeling with? Well, I might not feel up to book club, but I do feel up to putting on my most comfy pj’s and asking my daughter if she wants to snuggle in bed with me and watch the new show we’re watching, The Mysterious Benedict Society. And that is just what Denise did. She told me that she and her daughter ended up having a great time together. Denise turned her FOMO into JOMO.
See how thought stopping works? You can do it too mama. It takes a little practice to get that word STOP to pop up in your head, but once you do, you’ll be unstoppable.
(sound of a pillar dropping). Hear that? That’s the sound of the comparison pillar toppling. Do a friend audit, opt out of social media for a bit, and thought stopping—your 3 steps to taking the comparison pillar down.
[33:33] OK, remember pillar #2 that’s perpetuating your chronic illness mom guilt? It’s the perfectionism pillar. Let’s crush that pillar in 3 steps right now because Wonder Woman, although she’s awesome on the screen, she’s not a real person.
LET’S CRUSH THE PERFECTIONISM PILLAR.
Step #1: this step can be quick hit, but for some, it take a long time to figure it out. Step 1 is insight. Knowing that perfectionism is standing in your way. This can be the hardest step for many to overcome. Because once we have insight, we can tackle perfectionism head on.
Wondering where you fall on the perfectionistic tendency scale? Here’s some questions you can ask yourself to figure it out.
Do you set high expectations for yourself?
Do you feel like others seldom do things as good as you?
Would you or your friends call your personality Type A?
Does your need to get things right interfere with your ability to get things done?
Do you say “yes” to others even when you know it means you’ll be saying “no” to yourself?
Welcome to the perfectionism club my friend, I’m your founding member. Recovering perfectionist at your service!
Step #1: insight.
THE POWER OF BEING A B- MOM.
Step #2 in the quest to topple pillar 2 (perfectionism) is to focus on becoming what I like to call the B- mom.
To curtail your chronic illness mom guilt, what if today, instead of striving to be a perfect A+ mom, what if you strived to be a B- mom? A B- means that you got it right 80% of the time. That’s not too shabby. Of course, there’s the caveat that life and death situations call for your A+ effort, but how often does that happen? A B- is a solid effort.
I adopted this mindset when I had my 3rd child and holy cow, life improved life for everyone! I lowered the bar just a little, accepted that sometimes my Crohn’s is going to impact my ability to be the best mom in the world, and decided that it didn’t make me any less of a mom or a woman.
So let’s make this step as real as we can. Let’s say you don’t feel well and the house looks like a tornado went through it. Ask yourself this question: Is there love in your home? I always tell my kids when you leave the nest, I don’t want you saying, man that house was always clean! I want to hear, wow, I was loved.
Strive for B-. It takes work, but it’s so worth the non-effort.
OK one last step to topple the perfectionism pillar. Step #3 is Be you, flaws and all.
Life rarely goes as we plan it. Sh@%t happens. When that happens, I want you to really feel it. Not try to push past it. Really feel it, embrace the bad stuff too. The only way to step to the other side of a door is to walk through it. If we try to step around the door, we only find another door in our way.
Go through the door, and eventually you will come out the other side.
To help you with this, I’ve come up with a few mantras that might help too. Pick the one that works best for you:
My health is more important than my perfectionism.
I will enjoy the journey, and not just the destination.
When I ask for help, I grow my inner circle.
Today, I’m a rockin’ badass B- mom.
You got this mom friend. Let that perfectionism pillar drop right at your feet. No more perfectionistic chronic illness mom guilt. (sound of a pillar dropping).
Last pillar mama. Let’s do this. Pillar #3 was the Priority Paradox.
Remember I mentioned that when you are re-ordering your priorities and coming up with a YOU plan, you’ve got to think of it like muscle building—not pump you up muscle building—but building a smallish muscle that you didn’t have before.
So how do you build that muscle? It’s starts with knowing your YOU plan options. So many of us are willing to build in YOU time, but we don’t know where to start. Let me help you get started. If you’ve got a pen and paper or a phone app open, you’re going to want to write these down. I’ve got you covered with small sized YOU time (when you’ve got 5-15 min), medium sized YOU time (when you’ve got 15-60 min), and large sized YOU time for those extra special occasions when you’ve got 1 hour or more for YOU time.
I’m going to go through these quickly, but if you want a printed list, DM me on Facebook and I’ll send it your way. On facebook I’m @TheIBDHealthCoach. For now, just listen for the ah-has that come up in your mind. Try for at least one idea in each time category.
OK let’s start with the small sized YOU time ideas. When you have 5-15 minutes, you can:
[41:30] Do something that gives you a belly laugh- watch a comedy, tickle your kids, watch one of those funny pet videos on you tube… on the opposite side of your emotions you could meditate with my favorite meditation app (insight timer), you could go outside and do some earthing (involves walking outside barefoot—you’re just going to have to trust me on how amazing this one is), you could complete a 4-7-8 breath, lock yourself in the bathroom for some quick downtime (great for moms with littles when we know their safe), stretch like a cat, or cuddle with your partner.Time for some medium sized YOU time. When you have 15-60 minutes you can:
Take an Epsom salt bath (awesome for detoxification), get a pedicure (not at home), enjoy some infrared sauna or infrared heat lamp time (if you don’t know what I’m talking about listen to episode 26), re-ignite your spirit with a new hobby or an old hobby you forgot about, go for a walk outside, take a nap, or float in a pool.
Ready for some big, bold YOU time. Here we go. When you have over an hour you can:
Enjoy a girl’s night out or even better a girl’s weekend getaway, take a course or learn a new skill on a topic you’ve been wanting to learn about, enjoy a date night, plan something to look forward to (something a couple months away), get a weekly massage or try some healing reiki or craniosacral therapy, or acupuncture. If you’re not familiar with these energy healing practices, we’re going to be talking about them in the coming weeks so get ready for some super cool IBD healing ideas.
OK, which YOU time ideas are calling your name? Did you pick 3? I hope so. Remember if you need that list in electronic or paper form as a reminder, DM me and I’ll send it to you. So many of you have been reaching out since I set up my new FB account and I’m loving connecting with you that way! It’s great because that connection helps us see that we’re not alone out here in a sea of no one who understands what we’re going through.
So, now you have your YOU time ideas. It’s time to put them into practice. You’re going to do this, all to crush pillar #3: The priority paradox in 3 steps.
LET’S PUT THE PRIORITY PARADOX PILLAR INTO PRACTICE.
Step #1: If YOU time is new to you, if you never prioritize yourself (and you know who you are), I want you to pick only one of the ideas from this list. Maybe there’s one that called to you or one that you’ve wanted to try for a while now. I want you to promise me you’re going to go for it this week.
And if you’re pretty good at YOU time, it’s time for an assessment. What’s working and what’s not? Do a mental switch up with the YOU things that aren’t serving you and get clear on your vision. What YOU time do you value most? Go for it with one of those ideas this week.
Step #2: Time to put it on your calendar and set your intention for follow through. Whether you’re new to this or old hat, press pause on the podcast and put it in your calendar right now. Saturday, 2pm, time to meet my friend who’s teaching me to crochet. Whatever it is, put it down and then say to yourself, come hell or high water, I will make this my priority. I’m doing it too. This Sunday after soccer, soccer, and more soccer, I’m going to have a date night with my hubby. It’s something we haven’t taken time for in a while and I’m making time for it because it will make me happy. Simple as that. No chronic illness mom guilt allowed.
ARE YOU FEELING JOY, PEACE OR ESCAPISM?
Step #3: You’ll do this later. Once you get started with your new YOU time ideas, it’s time to use your insight and intuition to decide how it’s going. Does this new habit bring you joy, peace, or escapism? If you say “yes” it’s working. Keep it up! If not, it’s it feels like a chore, switch to a new YOU time idea. Keep growing your YOU muscle until you’re at the place you want to be.
The priority paradox pillar is about to come down. Can you feel it? (sound of pillar dropping). Awesome sauce. You did it mama! You crushed all 3 pillars. The pillars that were keeping you living in chronic illness mom guilt for way too long.
How do you feel?
Today, we moved through some pretty powerful emotions as we learned about the Kick Chronic Illness Mom Guilt to the Curb “3 by 3” Roadmap. Don’t be surprised if you feel drained or tired. Even more reason to plan that YOU time.
None of this is easy. The concepts are simple, but the execution is hard. This is going to take time. Pushing through chronic illness mom guilt is not a destination. It’s a journey. One I personally work at every day. Some days I rock (in B- mode), some days I suck at it, and I have to take a step back and say what the heck am I doing.
Remember, I’ve got you. I’m here to help. If you find yourself struggling in this area, and mom guilt is taking over, get in touch. We’ll work though it together.
I appreciate you. I’m so glad we’re in the same gut healing orbit mom friend. Until we meet again, I’m wishing you a cheeky and healthy IBD healing journey.
Chat soon!
Thank you so much for joining me today and for listening to today’s episode. When it comes to IBD, I know there’s a lot of resources out there, and I’m truly honored that you chose the Cheeky Podcast to get your IBD information today. If you found this information helpful, please give us a rating and review. It helps other moms find the podcast and see what we’re doing over here to help IBD moms everywhere. And if you feel called feel a call to do it, share this podcast with an IBD mom who you know could really use an uplifting message today, ’cause that’s what we’re all about over here at the Cheeky Podcast.
One last thing, if you’re still with me, and if you are, you’re definitely my kind of gal. We have to get to know each other better. If you’re tired of living on the hamster wheel of IBD with all the ups and downs between flares and remission, if you’re struggling to get control of your abdominal pain, gas, bloating, diarrhea and other troubling IBD symptoms, go to my website. It’s karynhaley.com, and my mom had to be just a little bit different, she spelled my name with the Y. So it’s K-A-R-Y-N H-A-L-E-Y.com and schedule your very own free 30-minute IBD root cause trouble-shooting session with me where we discuss the challenges you’ve been having, we set goals to help you move forward, and we talk about how we can work together to help you get your life back. It’s a power packed 30 minutes. You don’t have to live in IBD status quo. There’s so much that can be done to transform your life so you can thrive in motherhood and thrive with IBD. I’ve seen my clients walk this path and it gives me so much joy to take that journey with them.
My entire coaching practice is run online, so you never have to leave your house and you never have to get out of your jammy or yoga pants for us to work together. You know I’m wearing them to. If you’re ready to take your first amazing step towards healing, I’m ready to chat with you. Schedule your free 30-minute IBD root cause trouble shooting sesh today at karynhaley.com. Click on the work with me tab and I’ll see you soon. It’s important to note that the information in this podcast and in this episode is for general information purposes only and not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The statements made in the Cheeky Podcast for moms with IBD, either by me or my guests, is not intended to diagnose, treat, to cure, or prevent any disease. Before implementing any new treatment protocols, do yourself a favor and consult your physician first.
Thank you so much for listening, for being here, for saving this space for us to spend some time together.
Until we chat again, I’m wishing you a cheeky and healthy IBD journey.
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
This podcast, video, and blog post is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.